So who is actually playing for Vanderbilt basketball this season?

Basketball season has honestly kind of snuck up on me. First of all, the NCAA insists on having a nondescript opening night of the season opposite Monday Night Football and the day before Election Day, because who the hell planned that?

(What was actually wrong to lead the offseason with the old preseason NIT and a bunch of Thanksgiving weekend tournaments and then most teams start their season around December 1st…you know, I don’t give myself a month where I have to compartmentalize football and basket-ball?)

And for another… well, Vanderbilt football thankfully hasn’t given me much reason to watch basketball season. So that’s actually a good thing.

But also… I don’t know who the hell most of these guys are. Mark Byington is the new manager and let’s just say the decision not to retain Jerry Stackhouse was a popular one. But almost none of those guys were on the team last year. I guess I’ll have to figure out who these guys are by the time I do my report cards in the spring. In the meantime, here’s who will suit up for Vanderbilt this season (which opens Monday night against Maryland-Eastern Shore.)

Karris Bilal, freshman guard: You’ll notice a recurring theme in a minute, but Karris Bilal is actually a point guard. As a three-star that was signed by Jerry Stackhouse, well, we’ll see if Byington is of much use to him this season.

Jason Edwards, junior guard: He will probably be the top scorer of this team. He averaged 19.1 points per game at North Texas last season as a sophomore. He spent the year before averaging 21.9 points per game at Dodge City Community College. Spent a year before that redshirts at Division II Miles College in Alabama. The success story of the transfer portal; in a past life, he would have set Miles scoring records. Possibly a point guard.

MJ Collins Jr., junior guard: He averaged 7.4 points at Virginia Tech last season. He also averaged 2.7 assists, so possibly a guard. He was a starter at Virginia Tech, so I guess he could start here. May be.

Tyler Tanner, freshman guard: Last year, Tennessee Mr. Basketball at Brentwood Academy. We should always have room for local guys, even if they are considered fringe talents in power conferences. Definitely a point guard. Remember the last time we drafted a point guard from Brentwood Academy? (No, no, because we’ve all erased that season from our collective memory. Shut up.)

Fifth-year defenseman Grant Huffman: Averaged 12.9 ppg and 5.3 apg at Davidson. So, yes, a point guard. He also looks exactly like you think a Davidson player looks.

Tyler Nickel, junior guard: He wears number 5, because of course he does. Transferred from Virginia Tech, where he shot nearly 40 percent from three. Remember when our team had a bunch of white guys who shot 40% from three? I loved those days. He’s probably not a point guard, but he’s listed.

Graham Calton, senior guard: He was on the team last year, but he’s a starter, so that’s all that matters. Played in 17 games over three seasons.

Jordan Williams, sophomore guard: Another walk-on. He started 10 games last season as “the guy Stackhouse starts occasionally when he’s upset with one of the regular starters.” Mark Byington probably won’t do that.

AJ Hoggard, fifth-year guard: He started 83 games in four seasons at Michigan State, so that’s probably good. He averaged 5.2 assists and 1.8 turnovers last season, so yeah, point guard. It’s probably the real starting point of the team, now that I think about it.

Sixth-year defenseman Alex Hemenway: I spent five years at Clemson, which is five more years than anyone should spend in Clemson, South Carolina (sorry to your Uncle Mike). See the comment above about “remember when our team had a bunch of white guys who shot 40% from three.”

Coleson Messer, mayor in red shirt: Another catch. Following is the Anchor of Gold Twitter account, which is everything you need to know.

Hollman Smith, fifth-year defenseman: Probably a walk-on. He spent four years at James Madison. Will definitely list Mark Byington as a reference when applying for coaching jobs. Unless he ends up on our staff as a graduate assistant, anyway.

Sophomore guard Jaylen Carey: Listed at 6’8” and 265 pounds, so the point guard designation seems a bit ridiculous here. Maybe a point forward? He averaged 7.0 ppg and 4.3 ppg as a freshman at James Madison. Byington probably wouldn’t have brought him with him if he didn’t think he could play in the SEC.

JQ Roberts, sophomore defenseman: Hey, the only guy on the list I’ve heard of! Certainly not a guard point. He averaged 2.3 ppg and 2.3 rpg last year at Vanderbilt. Literally the only returning scholarship holder.

Miles Keeffe, junior guard: Walk-on in the third year in the program. Appeared in eight games.

Chris Manon, senior guard: Transfer from Cornell, which also featured Pax Whitehead and Nolan Cressler. Averaged 12.5 ppg there. Probably good.

Kijani Wright, junior guard: Actually, probably a center. Out for an unspecified amount of time for reasons Byington won’t talk about.

Devin McGlockton, junior guard: Averaged 10.2 ppg and 6.3 rpg at Boston College. He wears 99, which is really all you need to know about him.

So… there it is. I will be very disappointed if we don’t give Devin McGlockton the nickname “Glock”.